How To Adapt Your Dragon For Interdimensional Travel (Snoggletog 2018)
by Marty the Martian
Summary: This year, Astrid goes to Dragon Island with Heather and Ruffnut for the hatching season, intending to have a generally relaxing time until Snoggletog Night. (As if I would let that happen - bwa ha ha ha ha!)
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone and happy Snoggletog to you all.

It's been one heck of a year for me but I think I should talk about that later. This years tale started out as a simple little comedy (as usual) but then ended up as the longest yuletide story thus far. For those of you who have never read one of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? THERE ARE OVER 30 OF THEM TO CHOOSE FROM!

Okay... I'll calm down now. As I was saying, if you're unfamiliar with these stories, I have tried to explain the characters and situations enough so you should be able to follow along. Needless to say, you will find it easier if you already know who Rincewind is, and what the ins and outs of Ankh-Morepork are.

Hope you enjoy this first HTTYD/Discworld seasonal story,

Marty.

How To Adapt Your Dragon For Interdimensional Travel

A Snoggletog Story for 2018  
(with apologies to Sir Terry Pratchett)

Chapter 1

A trill of laughter filled the air as Heather concluded her story about Dagurs unfortunate encounter with a rather annoyed bunch of hibernating Terrible Terrors.

"That'll teach him not to try and lay claim to a cave before he checks it for inhabitants first" Astrid smirked.

A brief silence fell of the camp fire as the three girls basked in its warmth on such a cold winter's night. The air was calm but they were still glad to be rugged up inside the Dragon Island cave and not outside in the frosty air.

"I must remember to give Stoick a big Snoggletog hug the next time I see him" Ruffnut exclaimed.

"Why?" Heather asked, suspecting there was more to Ruffnut's declaration.

"Chief Stoick is the reason we are all here this year" Astrid explained.

"How?" Heather continued with her series of one word questions.

"About a week ago, Hiccup was getting restless as usual, and suggested that a patrol around the outer islands would be prudent. He said it was just in case any dragon hunters were using the winter ice to hide themselves. Hiccup said that if they discovered the hatching grounds here on Dragon Island, it would be a disaster for the dragon population" Astrid continued.

"The only problem was, the Chief decided to form his own team and do the patrol himself; thus leaving poor ol' Hiccup stuck on Berk as stand-in chief" Ruffnut laughed.

"So when it came time to accompany the dragons here, Hiccup had no choice but to send you" Heather realised.

"And I thought it would be fun to have an all girls night camping trip" Astrid nodded back.

"I heard last year's attempted romantic getaway with Hiccup didn't go too well" Heather smirked.

"Yeah I wanna forget that Snoggletog ever existed. At least nothing weird should happen this year" Astrid huffed.

Barely a second had passed since the words left her mouth, when something weird started to happen. All three girls jumped up when a deafening crack filled the air. They quickly rushed out of the cave and saw the most amazing sight. Hovering just above their heads was a strange horizontal circle, two meters across, swirling red and green. From it was emitting the sound of a mighty rushing wind, even though they could not feel the slightest of breezes.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Heather cried out over the din.

"IT'S A RED AND GREEN... WOBBLY ROUND... SWIRLY... THING" Ruffnut answered.

"THANKS; THAT REALLY HELPS" Heather replied sarcastically.

"ANYTIME" Ruffnut cluelessly smiled back.

As the three Dragon Riders stood almost motionless, unsure of what to do about this strange looking phenomenon, a strange looking figure fell in a strange manner and made a strange reverberating thud when it hit the ground.

"THAT'S STRANGE" Ruffnut noted.

The hovering circle suddenly disappeared in on itself, accompanied by the sound of a loud backwards whoosh. With it went the deafening noise, leaving nothing but a deafening silence broken only by the whimpering moans coming from the ragged man who lay before them.

"Oww" he said "It should not have hurt that much."

Rolling over onto his back, the man finally noticed the three young women who surrounded him. The two friendly looking ones held the tips of their very sharp swords only inches from his face, while the unfriendly one brandished a battleaxe that the man doubted he could even lift if he tried.

"Make one false move and your head will see in the new year feeling rather lonesome, and wishing it still had your body to keep it company" the unfriendly one threatened.

"Now now ladies" the man raised his arms in surrender "I think you find I am quite harmless and if you will allow me to stand, I will gladly be on my way and cease to be such a bother."

"You're not going anywhere" Heather barked.

"Unless you're a really good swimmer" Ruffnut laughed.

"What's your name; where're you from?" Astrid demanded to know.

"My err... my name is... Rincewind and I came from um... up there."

As Rincewind's gaze followed his own pointing finger, he noticed something very wrong.

"What? Where's the tower gone?" he gasped.

"What tower?" Astrid asked with suspicion.

"What do you mean 'what tower'?" Rincewind replied with confusion "That tower; the one that isn't there."

"I think he's trying to use the insanity defence" Ruffnut stated.

"Surely even outsiders like you three have seen the Tower of Art" Rincewind stated bluntly "It can be seen from all over Ankh-Morpork and is the pride of the Unseen University."

"Definitely an insanity defence" Ruffnut repeated.

"Well whatever his story is, lets sort it all out back by the fire. its way too cold out here" Astrid declared.

"Yes why has it gotten so cold all of a sudden?" Rincewind wondered.

"It's always cold during the Season of Snoggletog" Heather shrugged.

"Snoggle... tog?" Rincewind turned pale "Did you say... Snoggletog?"

"Yes" Heather answered suspiciously.

Rincewind dropped to his knees and whimpered for a short time before raising his hands up.

"Great Gods of Dunmanifestin" he cried out "How on the disk did I end up back on Globeworld?"

Astrid and Heather grabbed the whimpering intruder under his arms and half dragged him into the cave, while Ruffnut kept him covered with a sword in his back. Rincewind had to admit he had never seen a cave with a door before, but the addition certainly made it nice and cosy inside. There was a short time of silence at first, during which the three young warriors closely perused the odd man. Over his scruffy clothes he wore a long red cloak, emblazoned with five pointed stars, crescent moons and other such motifs. His conical red hat bore the same patterns, along with the misspelt word WIZZARD just above its wide brim.

"So are you ready to talk?" Astrid said at last.

"That's all we can do" Rincewind sighed "There's no way I'll ever get back home now."

"Well let's start right there; where is home?"

"Home for me is... or rather was... the Unseen University in the city of Ankh-Morpork."

"Can't say I've ever heard of it" Astrid admitted "Is it anywhere near Elydonia?"

"It isn't near anything around here" Rincewind stated bluntly. "Ankh-Morpork is a city on a real planet; a good old fashioned round, flat planet, not like this weird ball shaped abomination."

The three girls glanced at each other while trying desperately to make sense of what this increasingly odd man was saying.

"So what are you meant to be?" Rincewind continued "You're too pretty to be to Trolls and not hairy enough to be Dwarfs. Oh please tell me you're not... Tourists."

"What's a Tourist?" Ruffnut asked.

"Oh thank Offler for that; I don't think I could take being stuck in another dimension with a bunch of Tourists."

"We're Dragon Riders" Astrid informed the man.

"Aren't you a little overdressed for Dragon Riders?" Rincewind shrugged.

"Overdressed?" Heather looked surprised "These clothes aren't exactly ball gowns. What do Dragon Riders wear in Ankh-Morpork?"

"Oh you won't find many Dragon Riders in Ankh-Morpork" Rincewind fobbed off the question. "They tend to hang around Wyrmberg in the land of Hergen. The men wear very little and the women wear even less; triangles mostly."

"Triangles?" all three asked in unison.

"Basically, yes" Rincewind nodded; two small leather triangles strategically fitted up top, and a long, thin triangle hanging down below the belly. The whole outfit is held together by several leather thong straps."

"Sounds disgusting" Heather stated.

"Sounds cold and uncomfortable" Astrid winced.

"I dunno" Ruffnut looked thoughtful "I can just imagine myself in a cute little number like that."

Heather tried her level best not to imagine Ruffnut dressed in triangles, but a shiver ran down her spine when she failed to do so.

"So how are you going to get home again" Astrid asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Didn't you hear what I said before?" Rincewind barked "I can't; I'm stuck here forever with a bunch of overly modest Dragon Riders."

The self confessed wizard gave a slight whimper as his head dropped into his hands.

"Can't you go back the way you came?" Heather had the feeling her suggestion would soon be mocked, but it seemed like a reasonable thing to ask.

"The way I came? Sure; assuming you have a massive team of stone masons and carpenters standing by to quickly erect a Globeworld Tower of Art for me to be thrown off of."

"A little more explanation with a little less sarcasm would go down well" Astrid sneered.

Rincewind gave a loud sigh before he began a greatly condensed version of his story, leaving the girls to fill in the blanks for themselves.

"I'm a coward; okay? So when I heard there was a member of the Assassins Guild on the grounds of the Unseen University, along with a rumour saying he was on official business, I decided to take refuge at the very top of the Tower of Art. I figured that the stairs were so off putting, he would not go up unless his target was there, and so I would probably be the only one up top. Unfortunately I was wrong; so was the Assassin and he threw me off the tower before I could say 'That's a beautifully jewelled dagger you have hanging from your belt'; rather a basic method of killing someone, but generally very effective."

"So how did you end up here?" Ruffnut asked.

"Now there's an intelligent young woman" Rincewind huffed. "Why bother to wait till the end of the story when you can just interrupt with obvious and useless enquiries."

Ruffnut grinned widely upon hearing the Wizard call her intelligent, but her countenance soon change when she heard the rest of his statement.

"The Tower of Art is so tall, I had plenty of time think on the way down... once I had finished panicking of course; I did mention I was a coward, didn't I?"

The girls all nodded so Rincewind went on.

"I remembered a spell called the Un-terminal Vortex. This spell would allow the user to quickly transport themselves from a great height, to a new position only a few feet off the ground; thus turning a liquefying splat into a bruise inducing boo-boo, that any mother worth her salt could easily kiss away with a sympathetic 'There there.' The spell seemed to work but instead of just transporting me down to a less deadly height, it also appears to have taken me to another dimension."

"Exactly how tall is this tower?" Heather asked, hoping she wouldn't be sarcastically chastised.

"It rises up eight hundred feet over the city and on a clear day, it can be seen from the farmlands to the north, to the mountains in the east." Astrid gave a whistle of astonishment. She could see this Tower of Art would make the Great Spire of Bolthorn Castle look like a pointy roof on a quaint little bungalow.

"And you need something that high to do your... spell... thingy?" she asked.

"It takes a while to complete the incantation so if you try do it too close the ground, all you end up with, is a rather disgusting street pizza" Rincewind whimpered.

"We could drop you from a dragon" Heather smiled eagerly "Eight hundred feet, a thousand feet, whatever you want."

"Correct me if I am wrong, but I am sure I have already mentioned my extreme level of cowardice" the wizard reminded them.

"More than once" Ruffnut rolled her eyes "Well just stay on the dragon until you've done whatever it is you have to do, and then jump into your swirly thing."

"No good; the spell won't work unless the caster is falling during the incantation" Rincewind sighed.

Heather threw one of their few remaining logs on the fire as the trio of Dragon Riders desperately tried to think of an idea that the wizard wouldn't immediately reject.

"How about this then?" Astrid leaned forward "We are very fortunate to have with us, the fastest and most manoeuvrable dragon ever discovered."

"Toothless!" Ruffnut stated proudly.

"Well I'm not talking about Meatlug!" Astrid barked "So I take you up really high and go into a dive. If anything goes wrong with your spell, we'll just pull up and try again. When you've got you vortex open, I can easily just drop you in it and you're on your way home again."

This idea seemed to fit in nicely with Rincewinds desire to minimise all risk to his health and so a few minutes later, the wizard was introduced to the only known Night Fury in the archipelago.

"It's a bit small isn't it?" he thought "Where I come from, the dragons are so big they have to use mountains to perch on."

"We have dragons that size here too" Astrid smiled s the rubbed the top of the black dragons head "But believe me, I know from experience that you don't want to be on a massive dragon during a power dive towards the ground. Toothless is sleek, fast and can make the sharpest of high speed turns."

Toothless raised his head in a very smug manner, but his countenance soon changed when Rincewind spoke again.

"I guess you're the dragon expert, but he doesn't look like he's got it in him; and what's with the tail?"

Toothless snorted with distain and started to walk off.

"Listen up wizard; if you want our help to get home, I strongly suggest you don't start insulting the dragon you need to achieve that task" Astrid barked.

"Whoa; bad flashback" Heather gasped. *

"Oh come on" Rincewind defended himself "It's not as if it can understand what I'm saying."

"Maybe not, but dragons are very sensitive and can pick up on you feelings and intents. Toothless has been with us for several years; he is very smart and knows quite well when he's been insulted" Astrid explained sharply.

"Alright alright, I'll apologise" Rincewind sighed unconvincingly.

It took a lot to improve the proud dragon's mood. In the end, Astrid whispered that helping Rincewind would hopefully get rid of the annoying wizard once and for all, and that was when Toothless finally came around. Soon the determined trio were making their way up towards the clouds with only their mission on their minds.

"Oh God this is terrifying" Rincewind shivered, proving the author did not know everything.

"Is this high enough?" Astrid asked as they approached the lowest wisp of cloud.

"Well yes... but I think we'd better go a little higher to give us more time for the spell to work.

Astrid urged the dragon higher until at last, they began their descent and Rincewind began his incantation.

"OOOOOOOHHHH MY GODDD! AAAAAARRRRRGH!"

"STOP SCREAMING AND START SPELLING!" Astrid yelled over the sound of rushing wind.

"I WAS UNTIL YOU INTERUPTED" Rincewind barked "NOW SHUT UP AND I'LL START AGAIN."

"Doesn't sound like any kind of spell to me" Astrid stated just loud enough to annoy the wizard.

"OOOOOOOHHHH MY GODDD! AAAAAARRRRRGH!" he began for a second time "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I HAVE A WIFE AND FIFTEEN CHILDREN... what comes next... oh yes; AND A POOR OLD MOTHER WHO WILL DIE OF A BROKEN HEART IF I SHOULD PERISHED! OH WHY HAVE THE GREAT GODS OF DUNMANIFESTIN FORSAKEN ME? CRYFISTUS ARUNTHOS!

Rincewind pulled a scraggy looking wand, that looked suspiciously like a glorified stick, out of the hidden pocket in his oversized sleave, waved it around his head and completed the incantation with the final three magic words; these were words that would be revered by would be wizards, shamans and obsessed adolescents over multiple dimensions.

"JAHMS... THYBERIOS... KERK!"

A deafening yet familiar crack split the air in front of them and far below, an equally familiar red and green swirling vortex appeared several meters from the ground.

"WELL... THERE IT IS" Astrid yelled "GO ON... JUMP!"

"NOT YET, WE'RE TOO HIGH" Rincewind replied.

"BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FALLING ANYWAY" she argued.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?" the wizard began, making Astrid sigh.

"I KNOW... YOU'RE A COWARD!"

The young dragon rider reached back over her head and grabbed the shoulders of Rincewind's cloak. The wizard soon realised how Astrid was able to use such a big battleaxe, as she wrenched him out of the saddle and attempted to hurl him into the rapidly approaching vortex. Rincewind's excessively high levels of self preservation kicked in unconsciously as he grabbed onto Astrids sleeves with nothing short of a death grip.

"LET GO!" she cried.

"NEVER!" he replied.

It was soon proven that Rincewind also did not know everything, as Astrid's forehead landed square in the centre of his face. Her unexpected attack had the desired effect as the wizard released his grasp and fell backwards towards the vortex. Astrid heaved a sigh of relief and sat back in the saddle.

"Whew; I'm glad that's... oh shi..."

Ruffnut and Heather stared up at the almost empty sky with growing concern.

"Umm... where are Astrid and Toothless?" Ruffnut wondered out loud.

Just as it had before, the vortex turned in on itself with the same a loud backwards whoosh leaving only a wisp of smoke and the last echoes of the noise it had emitted.

"This... is not good!" Heather declared.

"What can we do?" Ruffnut asked a few seconds later.

"I don't think there is anything we can do" Heather fearfully replied "I think she's on her own with this one."

* * *

* (see How to Insult Your Dragon)

And so we are on our way for another year. So far there are six chapters of this story and I hope to keep it under eight. Next one should be up in a few days and so until then, TTFN :)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Don't move" a rather threatening voice said in no uncertain terms.

Moving was the last thing on Astrid's mind as she lay on the hard cobblestones. She opened her eyes, hoping to see who was giving her orders, but could only see an out of focus, fuzzy mess that appeared to be a tall, dark haired woman.

"Cawant moof" she said.

"Looks like the effects of the wizards spell has knocked her about a bit Captain" a second voice noted "Her salamander seems to be down for the count too."

"I know what it looks like Nobby but with wings like those, I doubt very much this is your average, ordinary run-of-the-mill giant amphibian. Where's Captain Ironfoundersson?"

"I fink he'th thtill in Arthtounthalor Ridcully's offith, Captain von Uberwald" said another voice with a lisp so pronounced, it even gave Astrid's headache a headache.

"Go fetch him please Igor" the Captain ordered.

"Yeth Ma'am; thraight away."

Astrid was quite pleased to hear the sound of boots running away, because it meant her poor head would not have to struggle with translating the odd man's voice for the time being.

"Can you stand up yet?" the Captain asked Astrid, but the reply she received made Constable Igor sound like a renowned Shakespearian actor.

"Cheery; keep an eye on the girl" the Captain gave another order.

"I'm on it Ma'am" a gruff voice acknowledged.

Captain von Uberwald led Nobby aside before speaking low.

"So what exactly did you see?" she asked.

"Unfortunately not a lot Ma'am. A wibbly wobbly thing appears above me head like, and wot looks like a wizard falls out of it. But before I can give 'im the old 'OI YOU', he legs it towards the main gate. I gives chase o' course, but then I 'ears this loud thud behind me. I turns around to see th' girl and the salamander on the ground under the wobbly thing, which promptly disappears like."

"Could you identify the wizard in question?"

"I didn't see 'is face Ma'am, but a seen a red cloak and a hat wif letters on it. I fink the last one was a D."

"Rincewind" Captain von Uberwald scowled.

"You might be spot on there Cap'n" Nobby agreed.

"Nobby, I want you to go and see the Commander; tell him we may need Lady Sybil's expertise."

"Lady Sybil? You don't think that salamander is really a... dragon?"

"Let's just say I'm not counting out the possibility Nobby."

"Right you are Cap'n" Nobby tried to raise his hand in salute, but his right arm complained about being overused and refused to go any higher than his chin.

With her message on its way, Captain Angua von Uberwald turned her attention back to the girl, who was still on the ground next to her beast. Sergeant Cheery Littlebottom stood nearby looking rather forlorn.

"How's our strange intruder doing?" she asked.

"On the mend I think Captain" Cheery replied "She must be getting her strength back at least because when I tried to check her out for injuries, she gave me a nasty slap."

"No way I'm gonna let some creepy little man undress me out here in the open" Astrid declared in her newly returned voice "Or anywhere else for that matter."

"Oi! Who you calling a creepy little man?"

Even though Astrid's eyes were not yet perfect, she could see enough to verify her statement. What stood before her looked a little bit like Chief Stoick, but barely three foot tall and a bit scruffier.

"There is nothing creepy about Sergeant Littlebottom" von Uberwald sneered. She did not like hearing a member of her team insulted when performing their duties.

"Alright but I'm not letting him examine me" Astrid complained "No way you'd convince me that he's a doctor."

"THERE SHE GOES AGAIN!" the sergeant fumed.

"No, the sergeant is not a doctor, but... SHE... does have experience with injured people. We get a lot of them around here."

Astrid's eyes grew wider as she looked from Captain von Uberwald back to the small person near her. If this was a woman, she was none like any Astrid had ever seen before. True, the long beard was obviously washed and brushed, as well as being festooned with white and yellow flowers, and the leather skirt would not look out of place in Astrid's own wardrobe. But it was the sergeant's footwear that finally sealed the deal; Astrid had never ever seen anyone wearing high heeled hobnail boots before.

"I'm a dwarf" Cherry declared proudly.

"I... I'm so sorry" Astrid begged "It's just that... well... I've never seen anyone like you before on Globeworld."

"Globeworld?" Angua von Uberwald suddenly turned very angry.

Much to Astrid's shock, Angua eyes began to give off a yellow glow as her voice turned raspy and menacing.

"Here we are trying to help you, when we could have just locked you up for being under suspicion of involvement with an unsanctioned assassination" the Captain growled "But instead of being honest, you dishonour me With Your FAIRYTALE LIES?"

Although her day had been strange and disturbing, Astrid had not expected Angua von Uberwald sudden unexplained anger; or her unexpected transformation.

"HEY... please... I call my home Berk" the surprised Dragon Rider defended herself "Globeworld is what Rincewind called it."

"So it was him Nobby saw running away" Angua still growled, but her glowing eyes began to fade.

"Do you think it could be true Captain?" Cheery gasped "Could Globeworld really exist?"

"I doubt it Sergeant; I think Rincewind is just messing with this young lady" Angua replied as a tall man approached.

"Whilst I think it's unlikely, the heavens are full of many strange and wonderful things. And just because the astronomers haven't found any evidence of Globeworld's existence yet, doesn't mean they never will" the new, deep voice declared as its owner stepped forward from a nearby doorway.

"That ith vewy withe thinking Capthin thir" Igor agreed.

"What have we got here Angua?" Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson asked his colleague.

Captain von Uberwald explained the situation quickly and precisely, leaving Carrot scratching his chin.

"The only thing I don't understand, is what was doing Rincewind travelling interdimensionally at this time in particular?" he wondered out loud.

"He said he went to the top of the Tower of Art to hide from an assassin, when he got thrown over the side" Astrid offered as she tried to get to her feet.

"Rincewind couldn't have been the assassin's target, could he?" Angua pondered.

"It would be a simple case if he was" Carrot noted "but while I was interviewing Archchancellor Ridcully in his office, we actually received an unexpected visit from none other than Lord Downey himself."

"Who's he then?" Astrid inquired.

"What the..."

Angua jumped with surprise. It was not very often that someone could sneak up on her so easily without being noticed. She consoled herself with the knowledge that the blonde intruder was approaching from downwind.

"Lord Downey is the current head of the Assassins' Guild" Carrot explained "Well... he will be until someone assassinates him I guess."

"So what did he want" Angua looked quizzical "Some kind of professional ultimatum?"

"Oddly enough, more of a professional apology" Carrot almost laughed at the thought. "It seems all this trouble is because of one overzealous apprentice. One of this year's batch apparently found out about what happened last Hogswatch, and has decided the honour of the Assassins Guild was at stake."

"Oh wonderful" Angua threw up her hands "So we've got another Tea-Time to deal with."

"It's a bit late for tea isn't it?" Astrid shrugged.

"Maybe you should tell our little friend all about it on the way to the Commander's house" Carrot noted.

"Yeah it's about time we got this dragon out of here, before some drunken barbarian sees this as an opportunity to ride off on another great adventure."

"They'd have a hard time getting Toothless away from me and keeping all their limbs at the same time" Astrid threatened.

"Scrappy little thing, aren't you?" Carrot smiled.

"That's the second time you've called me little; are looking for a punch in the mouth?" Astrid fumed.

"Alright for some" Cheery mumbled, making the young Dragon Rider feel particularly guilty for what she had said earlier.

"Well you seem a lot better now" Angua noticed "so I assume your odd looking dragon is on the mend to?"

"I checked on him a minute ago and he seems okay, his heart is strong and his breathing is normal, but I think the effects of interdimensional travel have made him a bit groggy" Astrid noted.

"Igor, see if you can commandeer a cart big enough to carry the dragon to the Commanders home" Carrot ordered.

"Yeth marthter."

"Igor!" Carrot baked.

"Thorry thir, I mean... yeth Captain.

"If it's okay with you Angua, I'll leave you to deal with the girl and her flying pony; I think I'd better pay a visit to the Patrician" Carrot pondered.

"I'm sure Lord Vetinari would know all about this by now" Angua noted "His spy's are everywhere."

"Which means things would not bode well for either of us, if he did not receive an official report in the short term" Carrot insisted "You know he likes to be kept in the loop he's already in."

Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson marched off into the dimly lit streets of Ankh-Morpork, while Astrid went back to check on Toothless again. Although she was one of Berks foremost dragon experts, there was still a lot she did not know; and one of those things was how an Un-terminal Vortex would affect the complex dragon brain. Toothless appeared to be resting comfortably, so Astrid just kept hoping time and rest would be all he needed for now.

Sergeant Cheery Littlebottom continued to k close keep a close eye on the two intruders while Captain von Uberwald pondered the future as she awaited the return of Constable Igor. When the sound of hooves on cobblestones finally reached her ears, Angua felt a definite surge of relief; hopefully they would soon be away from the streets outside the Unseen University.

"I don't think the four of us will be able to lift your dragon into the cart" Cheery said to Astrid "Do you think you could wake him up?"

The request was easier said than done for although the dragon showed no sign of any injury, he seemed incapable of regaining consciousness.

"My head still feels a little groggy" Astrid noted again "and since a dragon's brain is so much bigger, I hope he just needs more time to get over his trip through the vortex."

She tried to convince everyone, even herself, but deep inside Astrid was concerned. Looking over the dragon with the light from Cheery's lantern, revealed no noticeable marks on Toothless's scales so Astrid used that fact to give herself some comfort.

When Constable Igor had positioned the back of his purloined cart near the dragon's nose, Astrid tried again to waken him but with only limited success. Toothless moaned and complained as Hiccup would do when woken on a cold winter's morning and it was his turn to make breakfast. He seemed incapable or unwilling to give little more than token assistance as Astrid and the members of the City Watch lifted, pushed, heaved and shoved the dragon up and onto the cart.

As soon as the task was complete, Toothless slipped back into his semi-comatosed state with an expressive grunt.

"Right, let's get out of here before the sun comes up" Captain von Uberwald declared.

Sergeant Littlebottom ran ahead to open the gates of the Unseen University while Astrid and Angua walked behind the cart to keep an eye or two on Toothless as he slept. Angua's desire for an uneventful trip through the Ankh-Morpork streets did not last long, for less than a minute after Cheery Littlebottom had closed the University gates and caught up with the group, a disturbing cracking noised was heard coming from the right side of the cart.

"THE STREETS GIVING WAY" Angua shouted "IGOR, GET THIS CART MOVING!"

The Constable flicked the reigns, urging the horses on as one side of the cart began to sink. Astrid and Cheery quickly put their shoulders to the backboard and pushed with all their might. Astrid suddenly heard a strange and familiar growling and glanced forward to see Captain von Uberwald grab the front of the cart. Once again her eyes were glowing yellow and her body appeared to grow broader.

The back of the cart inched forward onto the solid ground in front of it, but Astrid was not so lucky as the ground under her feet totally gave way and she disappeared beneath the cobbled street.

* * *

Thanks for reading everyone, more in a few days:)

Vin, sorry you've been waiting so long for the sequel to Red Sky Rising but I've been having a lot of problems with my health this year. The doctors had me on all kinds of medication after the heart attack and it messed me up so much, I feared my writing days were over. Fortunately I was able to go off some meds around August and a few more at the start of November, meaning I am back to the way I was before this all started (having a bad heart ain't no fun).

Good news is I have started writing it and I will be publishing it in shorter stories rather than in one big (electronic) book. I hope to have the next one ready to go halfway through 2019.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

When Astrid and Toothless had exited the Un-terminal Vortex and slammed into the courtyard of the Unseen University, the portal had done its job of resetting their power dive velocity and saving them from a very messy demise. Astrids latest fall may have only been about fifteen feet, but it certainly hurt a lot more.

"Oww!" she stated to prove the point.

"What the... I told you we should have braced that bit first" a bobbing light declared.

"If we had, it probably would have been this bit that collapsed" argued another bobbing light.

"Well it doesn't matter now, so let's leg it before we get..." a third light said frantically just as a pair of high heeled boots hit the floor with a thud.

"...caught!"

Sergeant Cheery Littlebottom stood before the lights with her sword in one hand and a lantern in the other. She pointed the appropriate one at them and barked a few clear orders.

"Right; helmets off, put 'em on the ground and don't move!"

Astrid watched as the three lights moved around a bit and then went down to the ground. Now that her vision was no longer obscured, she could see they were lamps on the mining helmets of three short men who looked very similar to Sergeant Littlebottom, but without the floral adornments in their beards.

"Cor, look at him... I mean... her" the middle one said.

"Showing your femininity to the world" the one on the right winced.

"It's disgusting it is!" the middle one declared.

"Well this is Ankh-Morpork, and not some backward mine under a misty mountain" Cheery snapped "I don't have to hide anything and everyone accepts me for who I am!"

"You'd never get me to admit I was a woman" the one on the left said with a huff.

The other two dwarfs slowly turned to face their companion,

"Oh crap!" she said, suddenly realised what she had just done.

"You mean you're a female as well" the dwarf on the right asked.

"As well?" the middle one gasped.

"Oh bugger!" the right one sighed.

"You mean to say that two of us are women?" the one on the left checked.

"Yeah..." the right one sighed again "...unless..."

Everyone, including Astrid, just stared at the middle dwarf for a few seconds.

"NO!" he suddenly realised what was going on "I am NOT a woman!"

"Would you tell us if you were?" Cheery smiled.

"I most certainly would not... if... that is to say... if I were... which I'm not."

"Uh huh... I see" Cheery changed the subject "Now let's hear what you all have to say for yourselves; what are you three doing digging an unauthorised and unsafe tunnel under one of my streets? And don't give me any of that 'dwarves being dwarves and missing the dark mines in our mountain homes' type of garbage."

The three dwarfs quickly got into a tight huddle.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know; she just told us not to use our planned excuse."

"She; I just can't get used to referring to another dwarf as She."

"But you're a..."

"WILL YOU TWO FOCUS?! We are in big trouble here. If the City Watch find out we're working for an assassin, being charged with unauthorised road works will be the least of our problems."

"Oh I think the City Watch already know you're working with the assassin" Astrid informed the dwarves.

The three conspirators jumped back with a yelp. None of them had noticed that the young blonde stranger had silently moved close enough to join their private conversation.

"What the... how did you..?" one gasped.

"You should listen to her" Cheery smirked "It does not take a lot of deductive reasoning to connect two odd occurrences together; especially when they both occur this close to Hogswatch and both seem to involve the Unseen University. The way I see it, you three were charged with the task of giving the assassin a secret route to wherever it was he wanted to go on the university grounds."

"The library" one declared and was hit by the other two.

"I don't know why you're upset with your friend" Cheery noted "I only had to follow the tunnel to see where it comes out."

"Ah but we've already bricked it all back up again" another dwarf grinned proudly before being hit by the other two.

"So you decided that covering your tracks was more important than making your tunnel safe; what kind of dwarves are you?" Cheery shook her head in disgust.

"It's not our fault" the third one protested "The assassin was in such a hurry he wouldn't let us do the job properly!"

He waited for his friends to hit him, and he did not have to wait very long.

"What can you tell me about this assassin? What's his name?" Cheery enquired.

"Oh he wouldn't tell us his name" the middle one said.

"And we thought it would be wise not to ask" noted the one on the left.

"But he was tall... although everyone is to us, a bit fat, quite old for an apprentice assassin, and he had a funny accent."

"Not from round here then" Cheery stated.

"No it sounded like... what do you think; Fourecks?" the left one checked.

"Hmm yes; definitely a Fourecks accent" they both agreed.

"Oh, and he had a beard" the right one noted.

"More like a dirty face; it wasn't much of a beard" the middle one bragged "This is a beard!"

"So where is the entrance to this tunnel?" Cheery asked with an air of authority.

"The cellar of an old house next to the Mended Drum" one of the dwarves answered.

"Well I suggest you all head back there, grab all your gear and get out of Ankh-Morpork as quickly as you can; and don't come back!"

"You... you... aren't going... to arrest us?" they checked.

"Not unless you want me to" Cheery noted.

"Don't you want us to... fix the road first?" one asked."

"You three fix the road? Not in my city; I've seen the quality of your work."

Without another word, the three dwarves hung their heads and wandered of slowly down the tunnel. Astrid sidled up next to Cheery and smiled.

"That was nice of you to let them go" she said.

"I think they would have rather I had arrested them. A few nights in jail wouldn't hurt, but the punishment I just gave, will haunt them forever."

"What punishment?" Astrid asked.

"I made it quite clear that I did not believe their work was up to standard; there is no greater insult for a dwarf" Cheery sighed for it had not been an easy thing for her to do.

"But... no one else heard it, so why would they care?"

"You have to understand Astrid, that dwarves take great pride in the quality of their tunnelling. If they thought I was just insulting them to be mean, my position as a Watch Officer would have meant nothing; they would have killed me on the spot."

"Why didn't they then?" Astrid wondered.

"Because they knew it was true. I didn't say it as an alternative punishment to prison" Cheery noted.

"Then why did you?"

Sergeant Littlebottom raised her lantern and looked around.

"Because as a dwarf, this disgusts me."

Cheery turned and took a few paces back to the hole she had jumped down.

"READY WHEN YOU ARE CAPTAIN!" she shouted.

A rope dropped down into the tunnel and soon, Cheery and Astrid were back on the surface with the others.

"We're looking for a middle aged, heavy set Fourecksian with a slim grey beard" Cheery informed Captain von Uberwald.

"Good work Sergeant; now let's get this dragon out of here before something else happens."

Cheery jumped up onto the cart and sat next to Constable Igor. She had sheathed her sword, but kept one hand on it just in case there was more trouble. Meanwhile, Angua and Astrid walked along behind keeping their eyes on Toothless, as well as the various dark alleys they passed. After a few miles of silence, Astrid finally plucked up the courage to ask the question that had been on her mind ever since she had woken up on Discworld.

"Umm... Captain von Uberwald..."

"You can call me Angua if you want"

"Err... thanks but... I was wondering... why do your eyes..."

Before Astrid could finish her thought, the City Watch Captain turned her head towards the newcomer and smiled knowingly. As Astrid looked back, she became mesmerised as she watched the transformation going on in front of her. At first it was just the eyes again, but then Angua's neck appeared to be getting slightly longer, along with her face. Her hair was already wild and tussled, but soon began to turn greyish as it crept over her face and neck. Astrid stopped in her tracks and gasped, causing the creature in front of her to laugh as she returned to a more familiar state of being.

"How... what..." Astrid stumbled over her tongue.

"I'm a Werewolf" Angua admitted.

"I'm in shock!" Astrid replied "Wait till Hiccup hears about this."

"What's a Hiccup?" Angua asked "Apart from the obvious answer of course."

"Oh... he's my fiancé... Toothless is his dragon."

"I thought it was yours" Angua noted.

"No, I have a beautiful Deadly Nadder named Stormfly; Toothless is a Night Fury."

"Night Fury, Deadly Nadder, I must admit I've never heard of those kinds of dragons before" Angua admitted "They must exist only on your world."

"What kinds of dragons do you have here?" Ask asked with genuine curiosity.

"Just you ordinary, run-of-the-mill kinds" Angua shrugged "Noviks, Weis's, Martins, but mostly McCaffreys."

Astrid naturally had never heard any of those names before and could not begin to imagine what each one might look like.

"What kind does this Lady Sybil have?" she asked.

"Nothing that big" Angua smiled "She breeds Swamp Dragons as exotic pets."

"Oh."

Although she still felt none the wiser, Astrid figured some of her questions would be answered as soon as they reached their destination, so she decided to change the subject and ask something else she had been wondering about for the last few minutes.

"Angua... are you all... Werewolves?"

"No, but thankfully the City Watch is now an equal opportunity employer" Angua explained "It used to be all human men, but now there are Vampires, Trolls, Dwarves, Golems and even a Gargoyle."

"What's a Gargoyle?" Astrid had never heard the word before.

"That's him" Captain von Uberwald pointed up to the corner of a four story building.

"I can't see him; is he behind that grotesque looking statue?"

"Constable Downspout is that grotesque looking statue" Angua replied.

"Oh no, I'm sorry" Astrid gasped "I've done it again haven't I?"

"Not really" Angua smiled "Saying Constable Downspout is a grotesque looking statue is like saying your Toothless is a black dragon. It's only bad if you say it out of malice."

"Why doesn't he join us down here?" Astrid wondered.

"Downspout is keeping an eye on us, looking out for any incoming trouble. He's been with us since the Unseen University but he only changes position when no one is looking at him."

"Oh... like a Weeping Angel" Astrid realised.

"What's a Weeping Angle?" Angua asked.

"I... I... don't know" Astrid voice started to shake.

"Something from your world?"

"I... don't think so" Astrid now sounded very worried.

"Well then..." Angua tried to steer the conversation in a new direction "anything or anyone else you want to know about?"

"Yes; before I was able to stand up, there was this funny little... I mean... other little man."

"Ah yes; Corporal Nobby Nobbs" Angua grinned "Believe it or not, he's a human."

"You're kidding me" Astrid gasped.

"Apparently" Angua nodded "He even carries documentation to prove it; but they do say he was disqualified from the human race for shoving."

"How about the guy with the... different way of speaking, and all the scars?"

"Oh that's just our Igor" Angua explained.

"So he's human to?"

"No... as I just said... he's an Igor" Angua could see why Astrid did not seem to understand.

"I'm sorry, I thought Igor was his name."

"It is" Angua was getting a little frustrated "All Igor's are called Igor."

"So when they are born..." Astrid tried to do the sums in her head "their parents all name them... Igor?"

"I thinksee your problem; all those scars are not from a fight or near fatal accident" Angua continued to explain "Igor's are not born, they are made."

"Oh I see" Astrid smiled "just like Crystal Gems."

"Dare I ask, what a Crystal Gem is?" Angua wondered.

The cart carrying Toothless continued to rumble its way down the street as Astrid stopped dead in her tracks with a frightened look on her face."

"I don't know what a Crystal Gem is, like I don't know what a Weeping Angel is" she declared "But I can see them clearly in my mind along with the Dual Wielding Black Swordsman, a big dog with some meddling kids, and a fat man with funny orange hair who keeps shouting 'Witch Hunt!'"

"Maybe travelling between dimensions has made your mind susceptible to the existence of other universes" Angua pondered.

"Even a Steven Universe?" Astrid asked.

"I have no idea why an entire universe would be called Steven but... okay; Sergeant Littlebottom!" Angua called out.

Cheery jumped down from the cart and hurried back to see the Captain as Igor brought the cart to a stop.

"I need you to head back to the University" Angua ordered "Archchancellor Ridcully will probably be in bed by now but get him up and tell him I'll be back soon with a victim of Rincewind's carelessness."

"Right away Ma-am" Cheery saluted and hurried off.

"Okay then, let's get this dragon of yours taken care of and then see what we can do to get you home" Angua declared to Astrids relief.

Captain von Uberwald looked up at Constable Downspout, who did not look back. Taking this as the good sign it was, she helped Astrid onto the cart and next to Igor and then returned to watch the rear as they continued on.

"Damn wizards" she mumbled under her breath.

'

* * *

'

And so we get to the part where the story gets going at last. Has anyone had an inkling as to who the assassin from Fourecks is?

Vin, don't worry about anything, I was not offended. I have indeed been resting for most of the year but I am feeling much stronger these days. I spent a few months after the heart attack desperately trying to finish off Red Sky Rising just in case, so it was not as long as I had intended it to be. And so I did spend most of this year worried that the story would never be completed, but I am feeling much happier now I can write again.

Also knowing you are waiting for it gives me the impetus to work on it; it feels good to know it will be read.

Stripesicles222 ; I hope you are not the only one who feels inspired to check out some of Terry Pratchett's books. Anyone who had read my past work can see that the style of humour I write is mostly Pratchett and partially Douglas Adams, while the rest comes from my mother and father (I had a funny upbringing).

Story is almost done and I will post again soon, but this will be the first year where I fail to get it up before Christmas. Oh well... now you can look forward to getting chapters till the new year :)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

At last the dragon carrying cart pulled slowly into Scoone Avenue, making its way past a collection of mansions on elegantly kept grounds. The main gate of the largest estate had been left open in anticipation of the carts arrival, with its pair of interdimensional travellers and their escorts. Her Grace, the Duchess of Ankh, Lady Sybil Deidre Olgivanna Vimes (née Ramkin) had been waiting rather impatiently in her front parlour for the group's arrival and was soon sprinting out of the front door. She was very light on her feet in spite of her Wagnerian frame.

"Oh welcome, welcome" she smile at Astrid as she stretched her arms towards the young girl.

Igor started to help Astrid down but before she had taken the first step, Lady Sybil had picked her up and lowered softly onto her feet.

"My name is Lady Sybil Vimes of Ankh my dear; and you are?"

"Um... Astrid... Astrid Hofferson of Berk Ma-am."

"And Nobby tells me you and your dragon were brought here by means of some kind of some wizard magic, if I understand correctly."

"She says she's from Globeworld Lady Sybil" Angua informed the wife of her commander "Apparently that's what Rincewind told her."

"Oh... him again" Lady Sybil huffed "Well then, with your permission my dear we'll have a look at this dragon of yours."

Astrid stepped back to allow Lady Sybil easy access to the side of the cart. She hoped that dragon care in Ankh-Morpork was not too dissimilar to the way they did thing back on Berk and she need not have worried.

"Oh what a magnificent creature" lady Sybil grinned with delight as she perused the unknown dragon before her.

Toothless looked up forlornly as the stranger in front of him reached down and gently rubbed the back of his head, just the way he liked it.

"He's so black" Sybil stated the very obvious "I'd wager he would be almost impossible to see at night, even during the hunters moon."

"Where I come from, we call him a Night Fury, and he was said to have been the unholy offspring of lightning and death itself."

"Oh nonsense" Lady Sybil purred "I'm sure he's an absolute lamb. What's his name?"

"Toothless Ma-am" Astrid smiled.

"Toothless eh? Well then my hansom boy, what seems to be the trouble with you?"

"We think it maybe some kind of side effect from his journey through Rincewind's vortex" Angua informed the Duchess as she looked closely at the dragons eyes "Astrid too had been feeling off colour so there is a possibility that people from Globeworld just can't cope well with Discworld magic."

"Well if that is the case, it only makes sense that Toothless would not be feeling 100%. The dragon brain, assuming yours are similar to ours, is quite an amazing organ. They may not be able to speak, but they are very good at understanding various kinds of communication. Add that to their other abilities in advanced aerodynamics, pinpoint navigation and many other probable skills we are yet to discover, makes for one extremely complex mind" Lady Sybil noted.

"Wow... you really do know your dragons" Astrid said, wide eyed.

"Thank you my dear" Lady Sybil smirked.

"Ith there anything you can do for the beatht Ma-am?" Igor asked with concern.

"Nothing I can do personally, but I do believe Errol and her friends may be able to settle your dragon's anxiety a little. Igor, can you bring the cart around to the side of the house please?" Lady Sybil requested.

"Thirtanly Mathster... I mean... Ma-am."

As they all made their way along the white gravel drive, Astrid noticed a tall hooded figure walking with them. She assumed he was one of Lady Sybil's household staff and judging by the huge scythe he carried, and she decided he must have been the gardener.

" _ **I just want you to know, I am definitely NOT the father of your dragon"**_ he stated.

"Um... okay... I never thought you were" Astrid replied.

" _ **But you said he was the offspring of... oh don't bother. I never can get my head around half of what you people say."**_

"You've met people from Globeworld before? Astrid wondered if this was actually another wizard.

" _ **Not many; only about one or two hundred million of you."**_

"Are you alright my dear?" Lady Sybil asked as she placed her arm around Astrid's shoulder.

"Oh... as fine as can be expected under the circumstances I suppose" she gave a little grin.

"I wasn't sure if you were upset or maybe just saying some kind of Globeworld prayer to your gods, for your dragon."

"Oh no Ma-am" Astrid replied "I was just having a word with your gardener."

"My what dear? I don't have a gardener" Lady Sybil stated.

"Then who..."

Astrid quickly looked around, but the tall hooded figure was nowhere to be seen. Lady Sybil simply put it down to a combination of the stress Astrid was under, combined with the lasting effects of Rincewind Syndrome.

The cart soon stopped beside a wall of large wooden boxes, each one with a round hole in its centre. Astrid peeked inside of one and saw a small sleeping dragon, roughly the size pf a Terrible Terror but just a tad smaller. Curled p on the top of the wall of dragon nests was another of these little creatures, and it sprang into life at the sound of its mistresses' voice.

"Errol darling" Lady Sybil sang out sweetly "come to mommy!"

The dragon was even smaller than the one Astrid had seen sleeping in the nest box and as Lady Sybil held up her hand to it, the little beast scampered onto her hand and scurried down her arm to her shoulder; purring all the way. Tiny spots of blood appeared on the exposed skin of the Lady's hand and wrist where the dragon's claws had dug in. Astrid must admit that she was impressed at the way this noble woman just ignored the wounds, as a part of everyday life with dragons.

"Come and meet Toothless sweetums" Sybil declared as she took her pet back to the cart.

Errol sniffed the air before leaping off Sybil's shoulder and onto the side of the cart. She slowly reached her head closer to the forlorn dragon while continuing to take in the scents around her. After a few seconds, the little swamp dragon shuffled down into the cart and rubbed her cheek on Toothless's chin.

Astrid smiled at the acceptance and affection shown to Toothless, especially as he was an intruder into the small dragon's territory. All of a sudden, the swamp dragon scurried up onto the driver's bench and raised her head. A shrill cry then filled the air; it sounded a little bit like birdsong from a nightingale with smokers cough. Dozens of tiny heads then appeared and before you could say "Aaargh, there's fire breathing lizard in my hair", they were all flying around and around the cart until one by one, they each came down and settled around Toothless, as well as on him.

While Toothless had not appeared to have been in pain, Astrid did notice there was something not quite right about his demeanour. All that changed in less than a minute as the big black dragon appeared to be far more relaxed than he had been before.

"Oh my!" Astrid exclaimed "How did they do that?"

"I wish I knew my dear" Lady Sybil placed her hand on Astrids shoulder "It could be simple empathic comfort but I suspect it may run much deeper. I have noticed that when one of my dragons is physically hurt, some of the others will huddle around it in this way. I have also noted that when this occurs, the injured dragon heals much faster than when it is left alone. I suspect that this healing empathy may also affect other maladies, including emotional and mental."

"So the little dragons are actually taking some of the effects the vortex had on Toothless, and suffering on his behalf?" Astrid gasped.

"It could be. I have no way of proving this, but the results I've observed have been truly amazing" Lady Sybil nodded. "And they do this voluntarily too."

Astrid just stood there for a while, smiling at Toothless until Angua interrupted her a short time later.

"Maybe now would be a good time for us to return to the Unseen University" she said.

Even though Astrid liked the idea of tracking down the wizard who had brought her to Discworld, and hopefully finding a way home, the thought of leaving Toothless behind had her worried. Of course Lady Sybil could see the concern on the Dragon Riders face and so she tried to comfort the young girl.

"Trust me my dear, we will our level best to give your dragon the best of care."

Astrid could see this woman would do anything to ensure the health and safety of all the dragons present, but it was still a difficult decision to make. Eventually she smile and nodded in agreement.

"Wonderful" Lady Sybil smiled sweetly "Now Samuel has taken the carriage to see the Patrician..."

"Why would the Patrithian want to thee a carriage?"

"Shut up Igor" Angua snapped.

"...But I can let you take my pacing trap if you wish" Lady Sybil offered.

"That would be very kind of you Ma-am" Angua nodded "I assume the bench is big enough for the three of us?"

"Oh yes... I'm sure Corporal Nobbs will follow later when he's finished eating."

"Y-you mean to say Nobbs did not go with the Commander?" Angua asked sternly.

"Oh no; I heard him tell Samuel that he would wait here for you, and then he said something about how long it had been since his last meal, so I..."

"Sorry to interrupt Ma-am, but where would I find the Corporal right now?" Angua's eyes started to turn yellow again.

"He's err... in the parlour having tea and cakes" came the reply.

"Excuse me Ma-am" Angua gave a slight bow before turning on her heel and marching back to the front door.

By the time she arrived there, her hair had turned rough and matted, and her eyes were positively glowing.

"CORPORAL NOBBS; FRONT AND CENTRE!" she bellowed through the still open door.

The captains voice caused a number of dust clouds to shoot out from every vent and open window in the house, and they were soon joined by a puffing 'Nobby' Nobbs scurrying rapidly out the front door. He had a cream bun in his mouth and a cupcake in his right hand, and he had eaten so much in the last hour or so, that he had undone the top button of his trousers; and so his left hand had been gainfully employed in the task of preventing his pants from falling down.

"You called Cap'm?" he mumbled through his cream bun.

As an afterthought, Nobby stood to attention and saluted but he soon regretted this action when his pants fell down.

"Let me get this straight..." Angua stared to pace back and forth in front of Nobby "...while we've been out there dealing with a rouge assassin trying to knock off wizards, a dragon from another dimension, and a trio of dwarves who have formed some kind of pirate Boring Company for undermining the streets of the city, you my dear Corporal have been sitting here... stuffing your face... WITH CREAM CAKES!?"

"Just err... just keepin' me strength up Captain" Nobby grinned sheepishly while leaving his trousers where they lay.

"Well now that you're all refreshed, get yourself over to Watch Headquarters and tell everyone to be on the lookout for a bearded, middle aged assassin from Fourecks. We don't know if he's armed, but he's definitely dangerous."

"Yes Captain" Nobby agreed while swallowing the last of his cream bun.

Oh... and Corporal..." Angua said as she turned to walk back to the others.

"Yes Captain?"

"When all this is over... go and buy yourself some new underwear... and that IS an order!"

"Yes Captain" Nobby acknowledged.

'

* * *

'

Well its Christmas Eve hear in Australia and this is the half way point of the story.  
As soon as I finish the last chapter, I'll post the last few one per day. I just had a look at the stats and there are over twenty people reading this so I wanted to thank you all for giving me your time.  
Marty :)


	5. Chapter 5

Well it's the day after Christmas here so I suppose many of you are still enjoying the day. As usual I had to work but it wasn't busy so I still did a some writing and almost finished the last chapter; I'm sure I'll knock it all off today.

Merry Christmas and a Happy Snoggletog to Vin, Stripes and all my other readers. Happy days to you all and hoping for a great 2019 for everyone. (and Stripes, go easy on the cookies :)

'

* * *

Chapter 5

"Return the trap to Lady Sybil and then go and fetch Nobby from headquarters" Captain von Uberwald ordered as she and Astrid alighted from the two wheeled cart.

"Ath you shay Captain" Igor replied as he flicked the reins.

The two women approached the gates of the Unseen University as the sound of hoof beats on cobblestones drifted off into the distance.

"How do you feel?" Angua asked as they marched through the outer courtyard.

"Like a military academy" Astrid replied "Bits of me keep passing out."

"Umm... excuse me? Angua appeared confused.

"I think it's the influence of yet another dimension" Astrid explained "At least this one includes the words Don't Panic."

"Sound advice" Angua nodded.

By the time they reached the office of Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully, Astrid had begun to falter in her steps and almost tripped several times. They found Sergeant Cheery Littlebottom awaiting them outside the Archchancellor's door with a very concerned look on her face.

"I'm sorry Captain" she begged "They kept asking me questions about the girl so I... well... see for yourself."

Cheery opened the door to reveal Ridcully's spacious rooms, filled to the brim with wizards.

"THERE SHE IS!" cried the Dean of Pentacles as all three women walked into the room.

Before you could say "Open wide and say aaah", poor Astrid was being poked, prodded and examined through magnifying glasses, all while being bombarded with questions."

"Her outer dermal layer seems normal" stated Doctor Hix as he prodded her cheek.

"Her hair is like gold" declared the Bursar "Do all Globeworlders have locks like precious metals my dear?"

"Check her teeth" cried an elderly voice from somewhere in the crowd "Are they pointy? I bet they're pointy."

"I'll take that bet" answered another wizard.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Angua cried out in her gruffest voice.

The authoritative tone along with the glowing yellow eyes had the desired effect as the crowd of wizards all took a few steps back leaving Astrid free to collapse on the floor.

"Archchancellor I must protest" Angua barked as she pick Astrid up off the ground.

"The Captain is right" Ridcully agreed "Come on you lot; everyone except Stibbons , get out now! Go and have another breakfast or something."

There were a lot of grumblings, as well as several jealous glares at Ponder Stibbons, but eventually the gaggle of wizards filed out of the office one by one.

"Maybe we should take her straight to Hex" Ridcully suggested as he considered Astrids pale face.

"The quicker the better" Stibbons agreed and he was soon leading the way down the west corridor. He took the group down to the basement of the High Energy Magic building where the large machine was housed. Captain von Uberwald did not trust wizards, and suspected some of those who had been barred from Ridcully's office may just try and sneak in and observe the current proceedings. So she thought it might be prudent to bolt the basement door once they were all inside.

"What... is that?" a very groggy Astrid asked.

"Don't worry about it Miss" Stibbons smiled reassuringly "We've heard about the problems you've had since crossing the dimensional rift, so I'm going to hook up your brain to my brain. Well... not exactly MY brain, but Hex; who is my um... other brain."

On Stibbons direction, Angua placed Astrid on an examination table adjacent to the semi-living machine. Small pads were placed all over her head and held on by a sickly sweet smelling sticky paste that reminded Astrid of one of her namesake flowers.

"Oh that one is much nicer" Ridcully smiled.

"It doesn't stick as well as the old formula" Stibbons noted.

"Yes but the old one smelt like the Librarians feet" the Archchancellor winced.

"I don't think the Librarian has feet sir; they're more like... other hands."

"Well whatever; all I'm saying is I like the smell of this stuff."

While this pointless conversation unfolded, Astrid looked over what she was being hooked up to. The internal workings of the huge contraption seemed to be an odd mix of gears, some wire, and a large number of glass tubes that kept rearranging themselves. At first Astrid could not quite tell what the little black dots she could see moving around inside the tube really were, but then she noticed the circular sign on the machine that bore the legend 'Anthill Inside.' With the machine finally hooked up Stibbons walked over to the front control panel. He looked, he thought, he moved a few dials and levers. As soon as he was satisfied that all was set, he placed a fresh pot of ink next to a roll of paper and released the catch on Hex's Written Interface Arm.

"Alright then miss, please try to clear your mind and think of absolutely nothing at all" Stibbons requested.

Astrid took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She was the only one who did as everybody else in the room held their own breath in anticipation. The gear driven arm began to shiver a little before it finally lifted and dipped the quill on the end into the pot of ink. It shook off a loose drop and then moved itself over to the paper roll and began to draw.

"What's it doing?" Angua asked.

"Hopefully Hex will give us some idea of what this young girl is seeing deep in her mind" Stibbons said.

"She has a name you know" Cheery sneered "It's Astrid Hofferson."

"Sorry... well... through Astrid Hofferson, we should be able to get some idea of what can be found in other dimensions."

"And this will help?" Angua asked.

"It can't hurt" Ridcully shrugged.

As all four gathered closer to the Written Interface Arm, Astrid noticed a fifth figure standing near her. She focused her eyes and was surprised to see the gardener who did not appear to work for Lady Sybil Vimes.

" _ **You can't stay here, you now that don't you?"**_

"I never said I wanted to stay" Astrid replied.

"Oh please stay a little longer" Ponder Stibbons declared, assuming Astrid was speaking to him "We're getting some marvellous pictures down here."

As Hex continued to write and draw what was sensed from the young Dragon Rider, Stibbons slowly turned the handle on a drum that pulled the paper roll slowly across the desk, giving the machine limitless places to do its work."

"Can you top up the ink pot please Archchancellor?"

"What? Oh... certainly m'boy" Ridcully said as he reluctantly removed his gaze from the paper as it inched its way across the desk.

"That's an odd one" Cherry pointed to one of the images.

"What, what?" Ridcully panicked at the thought that he might be missing something important.

"It appears to be a four wheeled carriage with no horses on the front" Cherry noted "and it has the words Mystery Machine written on the side."

"Oh I say" gasped Ponder Stibbons at the following sketch.

"WHAT?" cried the Archchancellor as he struggled with a cupboard door.

"It's a rather attractive young woman with blonde flowing hair that appears to be able to defy gravity. She is wearing a very tight fitting nautical themed outfit with a very short blue skirt and long red thigh boots."

"How the hell do you get this cupboard open?" Ridcully cursed.

"Oh uh... twist the handle to the left... no... the other left." Stibbons replied before continuing with his description."

"She is standing in front of a bright crescent moon while doing a strange three fingered salute."

"Does this Moon Sailor have a name?" Ridcully asked as he retrieved a medium sized bottle of ink.

"Not that I can see, but Hex has moved on to another picture now" Stibbons noted.

"Another girl with a short skirt?"

"No sir, a tall blue wooden structure with a light on top. It has the words Police Public Call Box across the top."

"Damn!" Ridcully declared as he gingerly poured the black liquid into Hex's inkpot.

Seventeen pictures had been drawn on the moving paper when the dark figure standing next to Astrid spoke again.

" _ **We're going to have to go soon."**_

"Where are we going?" Astrid asked.

" _ **To the other side."**_

"You mean... to the spirit world?" Astrid feared her end was fast approaching.

" _ **Spirit world? No, I mean to the other side of the city; I want you to meet my granddaughter Susan."**_

Ponder Stibbons had been so fascinated by the sketch of a small, cute mouse like creature electrocuting a ten year old boy in a peaked cap, that he only heard part of the conversation.

"Don't go yet, I want to get as much information as I can before you die."

"DIE?" Angua gasped.

The City Guard Captain suddenly realised something was very wrong, as she rushed back to Astrids side and pulled the sensors off her head.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, HOOKING HER UP TO A MACHINE THAT'S KILLING HER?" Angus growled.

"Hex isn't killing her!" Ponder Stibbons protested.

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I'm afraid the poor girl was doomed from the moment she came here" Ridcully explained. "When your sergeant told us she had come through an Un-terminal Vortex, the first thing we did was try to think of a way to save her; because we all knew what a dangerous spell it was for a non-wizard."

"Curse that fool Rincewind" Angua snorted.

"Oh it's not Rincewind's fault, it's the spell" Stibbons interjected.

"How can it be the Un-terminal Vortex fault?" Cherry wondered.

"Oh not 'That' spell" Ridcully smiled "THE spell. You see many years ago, Rincewind opened a book in the library he should have left alone. A book of secret spells; a very dangerous book. In that book there was a spell that no wizard should know, but Rincewind let his curiosity get the better of him and he had a peek at it. The page that contained that spell is now blank for the spell now resides inside Rincewind's head, and it is very self preserving."

"You see the Un-terminal Vortex is a very complex spell known only to the most experienced wizards" Ponder noted.

"But Rincewind knew it" Cherry declared.

"No he didn't my dear, 'The Spell' knew it and used it in order to save itself from oblivion; if Rincewind dies, The Spell dies with him" the Archchancellor explained.

"The Spell even varied the vortex to take itself and Rincewind to another dimension, just in case the assassin had some accomplices' waiting down below with clubs and knives" Stibbons went on.

"It even moved all of Discworld into a different time zone" Ridcully gave everyone a mild case of shock "Not many people would have noticed, but we wizards did. When Rincewind was thrown off the top of the tower of art, it was late spring. But when he returned a few hours later, it was almost Hogswatch; so now I've got only one more day to buy all the gifts I need to give for the holiday, and I haven't even paid off the bank from the last Hogswatch yet."

"I certainly didn't notice the time shift; that is one powerful spell" Cherry whistled.

While all this was going on, Astrid had been approached by the dark figure standing nearby. He removed a small round container from under his cloak and opened the lid.

"Ooo... pretty" Astrid declared about the sparkling material within "Where did you get that?"

" _ **I umm... borrowed it from a colleague last Hogswatch. He was rather indisposed so I help out for the night."**_

Astrid did not really understand what the tall figure was talking about, nor did she know why he took a large pinch of the shiny powder and flick it into her face. She quickly closed her eyes to avoid the fairy like onslaught and when she opened them again, she saw a bony hand held out to her.

" _ **Come; we are leaving."**_

"Bye everyone" she said as she got back onto her feet "Thanks for all your help."

But to her surprise, they all one completely ignored her. On one hand, Astrid's head was suddenly feeling much clearer, but on the other hand she could not quite work out how they had gotten outside. Her companion must have opened the door, but her mind just could not remember him doing it.

Out in the courtyard of the Unseen University, a milky white horse stood patiently waiting for its master's return.

" _ **Here... let me help you up."**_

"Thanks, but I've ridden horses in Elydonia and mounting one is much easier than climbing up onto a Nadder's saddle."

Astrid was not sure how, but her companion somehow managed to get into the saddle in an inexplicably uncomplicated way. It was almost as if one second he was not on the horse, and the next second he was.

" _ **On Binky!"**_ he commanded his steed.

As they made their way across Ankh-Morpork, everything seemed normal to Astrid, even though there was something she could not quite put her finger on.

"Um... why does it feel like this horse is galloping, when we are quite clearly flying?" she asked.

" _ **Oh Binky cannot fly."**_

"Then why are we so high up?"

" _ **He merely creates his own ground level to run on."**_

"Of course... how foolish of me not to realise" Astrid shrugged.

Back in the basement of the High Energy Magic building, the arguing between the wizards and the members of the City Watch had come to a halt when Sergeant Littlebottom discovered the person they had been arguing over, was no longer with them.

"She must have snuck out while we weren't looking" Angua stated.

"But you bolted the door" Stibbons noted.

"It's still locked" Cheery double checked to be sure.

"She must have totally disintegrated" Ridcully gasped as he examined the table where Astrid had been laying.

"Or perhaps every atom in her body was drawn back into interdimensional space" Stibbons proposed.

"Well what's the difference between that and disintegrating?" Ridcully huffed, not liking to be contradicted.

"Disintegrating implies that her atomic remains are still here" Stibbons argued.

"Not necessarily" Ridcully pouted "I never said what her atoms did after they all separated."

"Err... Captain, what's an atom?" Cheery asked.

"I don't know and I strongly doubt they do either" Angua sneered at the bickering wizards "Come on, there's no point in staying here."

Captain von Uberwald unbolted the door and led the Sergeant up the stairs and out into the courtyard.

"Where to now Captain?"

"I think we should check up on the dragon" Angua nodded "If it's still there, then Astrid may still be around too."

"Sounds like a plan" Cheery smiled as they started back the Vimes estate.

'

* * *

'

"I'm sure I'll get chapter 8 finished by lunch time so hopefully you should see another chapter soon.

Oh boy it is great to be writing again :D


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The roofs of Ankh-Morpork reminded Astrid of the town outside the walls of Bolthorn Castle in Elydonia. She and Hiccup had spent many happy days there, when visiting old friends and catching them up on what had happened on Berk since their last visit. Her bottom lip began to quiver at the thought of not seeing them again, not seeing Berk again, and not seeing Hiccup again.

" _ **I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we may have to make a slight detour; official business."**_

Binky made a sweeping left turn and came down out the front of a condemned hotel near the docks on the Morpork side of the river.

" _ **Stay here... I won't be long."**_

Astrid could not remember the hooded figure dismounting his horse, but the next thing she knew, he standing by the front door of the building. The next thing he knew, Astrid was standing by his side.

" _ **I thought I told you to... oh never mind"**_ he shrugged as they entered the building.

The pair found themselves at the top of the stairs, looking into the most disgusting room. Inside was a dwarf hurriedly throwing the last of his belongings in a sack.

" _ **That is Hammersmith the Dwarf... and his time is almost up."**_

Astrid noticed her companion held in his hand, an ornate Hourglass with very little sand in the top bell. As she looked back at the dwarf, two things came to her attention. The first was he seemed very nervous, and the second was she had seen him before.

"Hey he was one of the dwarves in the tunnel outside the university" she stated.

" _ **Yes; his friends Gornut and Earl have escaped in time, but Hammersmith foolishly came back to this place for his meagre belongings... and it will cost him his life. Wait... what... what are you doing?"**_

The apparition had always prided himself on being most professional in his work... well... mostly, but Astrid did not feel any need to act in any expected manor, so she decided to interject.

"Hey, you've got to get out of here" she stated as she grabbed the dwarves shoulder.

Her desire to save him almost backfired as he leapt up with a start and grabbed his chest.

"WHAA! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?" he gasped.

"Berk" Astrid replied "but that's not important now. You've got to get out of here; your life is in danger."

The dwarf dropped his shoulders and then his sack; finally he dropped to his knees with a sigh.

"What does it matter, my life is over anyway."

"What do you mean? Things aren't that bad" She consoled him.

"My reputation is in tatters" he sobbed "A dwarf can tell when another dwarf has done a below standard job in tunnel construction, so the regular work I did with Earl and Gornut will surely dry up now, and I will spend the rest of my life being pitied and scowled at."

"Nonsense! If you all do your best to do a good job in the future, people will be lining up to hire Hammersmith and his friends Gornut and Earl."

"Maybe not" a voice from the shadows spoke out.

Astrid and the dwarf took a step back as a middle aged man with a short grey beard and a slightly round belly moved forward into the light. On his belt was a beautifully bejewelled dagger that he slowly removed.

"I hear you and your friends have been talking to the City Watch; haven't you Mr. Hammersmith. That is hardly professional now is it? We had a contract."

"Yes... but you never said the tunnel was so you could sneak into the Unseen University unseen, to murder someone" Hammersmith protested.

"Come now, you knew I was a card carrying member of the Assassins Guild, did you really think I was going in to have tea with the Archchancellor?"

The strange man half hid the dagger behind his back as he took another step towards the dwarf. He seemed intent in silencing Hammersmith permanently and did not care about the presence of a witness.

"Wait a minute... I know you!" Astrid suddenly stated to everyones surprise.

"No you don't" the assassin countered.

"Yes I've even spoken to you; now where was it?"

It only took a few seconds for Astrid to recall who was standing before her, and her revelation surprised everyone; even Death himself."

"You're the guy that keeps putting me in all these odd situations" she stated "You're the writer of all this; you're Marty."

"No..." he protested "My name isn't Marty, it's Mortain and I'm an assassin in a Discworld novel."

" _ **Novel?"**_

"Yes, that's right; I'm a character created by Sir Terry Pratchett."

"If you're a character in a book, how can you possibly know it?" Astrid said accusingly.

The author/assassin struggled to find the right words, and so Astrid thought of some for him.

"You bit off more than you could chew, didn't you?" she accused "After writing all those adventures, romantic fluff pieces and comedies, you decided to mess around with interdimensional crossovers. But before you knew it, you yourself had also been caught up in the vortex stream, and ended up trapped in your own story."

"No... no... I'm an assassin" the confused man declared sternly.

Dropping the dagger, he sank to his knees and plunged his head into his hands, just repeating the word 'No' over and over again.

The Grim Reaper suddenly stepped forward. Upon hearing Astrids accusation, he had reached inside his cloak and brought out another ornate hourglass.

" _ **This is yours"**_ he said to the assassin _**"look at it... ... ... ...I SAID LOOK!"**_

The man slowly lifted his head in response. His face was already pale but it soon turned quite white. It was not because the sand in his hourglass was running low, it was because there was no sand at all; the top bell and the bottom bell were both completely empty.

" _ **Do you know what this means? It means that you do NOT belong here... and it is time for you... to go."**_

Astrid gasped as Death raised his scythe and brought it down on the false assassin, slicing right through his chest. To Astrid's surprise, there was no blood and she did not see two halves of the one body lying on the floor, but instead the man began to change; to alter his visage.

The soul of the intruder had been released, giving the real assassin the opportunity he needed to return. The figure on his knees appeared to vibrate and then turn to a semi-solid viscous gel. Soon thought, the older man was gone and in his place was a much younger man in his late teens.

"You... you're the man who hired us" Hammersmith declared "How could I mix you up with that old man with the Fourecksian accent?"

"I dare say your perception of him was altered by the same forces that made the change in his appearance."

"Well I don't like that force, and I wish it was not with me... or anywhere else for that matter" Hammersmith stated.

"Wha... what happened to me?" the real assassin wondered.

"Call you tell me the last thing you remember?" Astrid asked.

"I... I was in the Unseen University... I was following a wizard in a red cloak up the stairs of the Tower of Art. He wasn't very fit and he passed out halfway up, so I snuck passed him and waited at the top. When he arrived, I ambushed him and threw him off the roof. It's all a bit confusing after that, until I woke up here."

"I can fill the rest in for you" Astrid smiled "The wizard Rincewind is the one you tried to kill."

"Oh no... not Rincewind" the assassin gasped.

"During his fall he opened an interdimensional vortex to save himself, and ended up dragging in a few others who do not belong here; myself included. But one thing I'd like to know, just why did you decide to kill a random wizard anyway?"

"It was part of my ingenious plan to assassinate the Hogfather; I would kill a wizard and when Death came for his soul, I would force the Grim Reaper to take me with him into the realm of the anthropomorphic personification, so I could finally achieve what I failed to do last year."

"Last year?" Hammersmith gasped "Are you the man who tried to kill the Hogfather last year?"

"Yes... I am... Jonathan Teatime!"

" _ **No you're not."**_

"Yes I am; look at the way I'm dressed and my curly white hair."

" _ **You can't be Teatime, I took him away last year."**_

"But..."

" _ **But nothing! Anyone can wear a long black coat, and as for your white curly hair..."**_

Death reached forward a bony hand and plucked the white wig from the man's head, revealing his own short black locks.

" _ **You my friend are nothing more than an assassin fan boy and Discworld's first cosplayer."**_

His secret revealed, the young man leapt to his feet and ran from the room.

"I hope the City Watch catch up with him before Lord Downey and the Assassin's Guild do" Hammersmith nodded.

" _ **Oh... this isn't good!"**_

The dwarf and the Dragon Rider turned towards the tall dark figure to see him looking closely at Hammersmith's hourglass. Inside they could see the sand was... running up.

"What does that mean?" the dwarf asked.

"I think it means that you don't die today after all" Astrid smiled.

"Well that's good for me" Hammersmith grinned.

"I also believe that it is highly likely, that the true reason behind the collapsing tunnel was not because of shoddy work, but because of the interdimensional interference from this stories author. Just think about it; would you ever consciously do such a bad job?"

"Well... no of course not!"

"Then it stands to reason that it only happened because Marty needed the plot device of having me fall through the street."

The grin on Hammersmith's face grew even wider. He had not expected it, but he had just been given his life back in more ways than one; and so had Gornut and Earl. Stepping forward, he bowed and offered his hand to Astrid.

"May I?" he asked.

Astrid gave the dwarf her hand and he gently raised it to his lips, delicately kissing the back of her fingers.

"I owe you far more than I can ever repay" he stated.

"You're very welcome" Astrid bowed her own head in reply.

"And now I must take my leave... before I start crying like a girl... oh I'm so sorry... I meant no offence."

Astrid smiled again and punched Hammersmith in the arm.

"None taken" she replied.

Throwing the last of the gear into his pack, Hammersmith bowed once more at the door and left. A few seconds later, Astrid gave Death a very self satisfied grin and walked out herself.

" _ **You're going to be impossible to live with now, aren't you?"**_

'

* * *

'

I have always found it amusing when a writer puts themselves into a story as the new love interest for their favorite character, but I've found it great fun to occasionally interact or argue with a character from behind the keyboard, knocking a hole in the old fourth wall.

It was certainly not an original idea of mine to write about being inexplicably drawn into the story. I'm pretty sure it may have once been a Twilight Zone episode and was also done in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a tribute to comic book writer Jack Kirby after his death in 1994.

Now that I am dead in Discworld though, I guess I'll have to stick to hassling the Dragon Riders from now on :D


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Another short ride on Binky and Astrid found herself in a very fancy neighbourhood on the Ankh ride of the river.

" _ **This way"**_ Death beaconed to a quaint little townhouse.

Astrid knew he must have opened the front door to allow them entrance but for the life of her, she could not remember him doing so.

In the font hall of the home, Astrid saw three people but only one seemed to notice the newcomers. The perceptive one was a girl not much older than Astrid whose shoulder length hair was so white, it made freshly fallen snow look like it had been hanging in a dank wardrobe for seventy four years. There was however on shock of black hair about an inch wide, running in a single length from her forehead all the way back.

The second person was actually half lying on the floor while the other half was being held up by the girl, who had a firm grip on his right horn. During her trips to Bolthorn Castle with Hiccup, Astrid had met many people from other parts of the world who had come to trade with the Elydonian people. These visitors had many different physical traits such as eye shape, skin tone and hair style, but Astrid had to admit she had never before met anyone who's skin was slightly green with reddish splotches; the horns were new addition as well.

The third person was a taller man in very fancy clothes. He seemed to be totally oblivious to the man on the floor and the two newcomers standing nearby, but instead seemed intent on giving the girl a piece of his mind.

"Now listen here Susan, you came to this house with very impressive references and I must admit that Mrs. Crowhurst and I have been very pleased with the work you've been doing."

"Thank you sir" the girl nodded without smiling.

"But I think these theatrics of yours have been going too far as of late!"

"Theatrics sir?"

"Yes Susan. Your previous employer did tell me of your creative way of calming frightened children by pretending to capture the 'Monster in the Cupboard' they imagine is going to eat them..."

"Under the bed sir" Susan interrupted.

"Well whatever! I have seen for myself how effective your methods are in my own children, but I do believe you are carrying this deception too far."

"Too far sir?" Susan tried to look innocent.

The man on the floor suddenly tried to get loose from the young girl, but soon calmed down again when she kicked him in the face.

"What are you doing?" Mr. Crowhurst asked.

"Nothing sir; nervous twitch."

"Oh... I see... well try not to do it when I'm talking to you."

"Sorry sir."

"Now where was I?"

"Carrying he deception too far sir" Susan reminded her employer.

"Yes that's right. Mrs. Crowhurst and I are getting mighty tired of being woken up at all hours of the night when you feel the need to put on one of your little performances."

"But the Boogymen mostly come at night sir."

"All that noise makes it sound there's a full on battle going on inside the house!"

"They don't give up easily sir" Susan informed him.

"And the costs of all the breakages are adding up you know."

"I know sir; you've been taking them out of my wages."

"And still you keep destroying some of the rarest antiques in my possession. If this doesn't stop immediately, I'm afraid I will be forced to terminate your employment; do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal sir" Susan acknowledged.

Mr. Crowhurst turned to go upstairs but stopped on the second step.

"Aren't you going to go back to your duties now?" he asked.

"Yes sir; just a few tasks to take care of down here first sir."

There was a moments silence before Mr. Crowhurst shrugged, shook his head and continued on his way.

As soon as he was gone, Susan looked down at the green man.

"Now look what you've done" she scowled "not only have you been costing me money, but now you may _**lose me MY JOB ALTOGETHER!"**_

" _ **It feels so good to hear you using the voice"**_ Death smiled... although he always looked like he was smiling.

"You keep your opinions to yourself Grandfather" Susan snapped as she dragged the green man to the front door.

"Please Miss, it's so cold outside" he begged.

"I don't care" Susan growled "you and your friends know that any house where I reside is off limits so spread the word; _**from this moment on, I am officially in a bad mood and will give no more second chances. The next Boogyman, Gremlin or Babadook who tries to enter this house, leaves with my Grandfather! Is that understood?"**_

"Y-yes Miss... I'll spread the word at once Miss."

"You'd better because I'll be hunting for you if this ever happens again" Susan hissed.

She did not really need to open the front door before throwing the intruder out, but she did anyway causing a passing nobleman to wonder why this pretty young girl had just done a brief dance before slamming the door again.

"What do you want Grandfather; can't you see that I'm busy?" Susan sighed without looking.

" _ **You think you're busy, you should try being me."**_

"You've made your bed, now you have to lay in it."

" _ **I don't have a bed!"**_

"Just tell me why you're here on Hogswatch Eve" Susan sighed again "I've got four children upstairs jumping with excitement over the arrival of the Hogfather, an employer who thinks I'm fresh out of drama school and a far too regular supply of monsters than I'd want in three lifetimes."

" _ **I'm sorry Susan, but that is precisely why I'm here. I need someone to who will know when the Hogfather has arrived; he must help this young lady and her dragon to get home."**_

"Actually he's not my dragon, but..." Astrid began.

"Can't you just put her on a ship?" Susan begged without even acknowledging Astrids presence?

" _ **She's not from the Disc, she needs to travel interdimensionally."**_

Sighing once more, Susan placed her hands on her hips and relented.

"What's your name kid?" she asked.

"Astrid and I'm not a kid; I'm a Dragon Rider and Viking Warrior."

"And I don't care" Susan snapped and turned away.

Astrid and Death followed the angry young woman into the front parlour where she plopped herself heavily into a large leather armchair by a crackling fire.

"So how did she end up here in the first place?" Susan asked.

" _ **It was a wizard"**_ her grandfather replied _**"Please do me this little favour Susan; I've got confused clients waiting for me to help them on their way."**_

"You're calling them clients now Grandfather?"

" _ **I thought it sounded better than victims."**_

Susan closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Alright" she relented "the girl can wait here with me."

" _ **Thank you Susan."**_

"Yes, yes just go... and take him with you" Susan ordered.

Astrid looked to the corner of the room where Susan was now pointing and saw two rodents. One had just met its demise in a mousetrap, while the other stood over it dressed in a black hooded robe and carrying a tiny scythe.

" _ **Come on, you've done your job, now let's go."**_

The Death of Rats gave a slight squeak and scampered after the Grim Reaper as he disappeared out, or was it through, the front door. The two young women sat in silence for a while until Astrid's curiosity got the better of her.

"So um... why didn't that man who was telling you off notice the green guy?"

"He doesn't believe, so he can't see. I wish the children didn't believe so strongly, it would make my life so much easier. Speaking of which, I'd better go and make sure they are all still in bed; Hogswatch eve is a busy time for a governess. When the Hogfather arrives, I'll tell him you're here."

Susan rose from the comfort of the chair and left the room. When Mr. Crowhurst had gone upstairs the wooden steps had creaked under his feet, but Astrid noted Susan went up in total silence. The fire was warm and the chair was comfortable but for the next twenty three minutes, Astrid found she could not relax. She was alone in someone else's house; someone who did not know she was there, and she was waiting for someone she did not know... or so she thought.

"Astrid? Astrid Hofferson; is that you?"

The deep gruff voice came from a tall round man standing by the fireplace. He had small eyes, a wide turned up nose and two teeth on his lower jaw that protruded like tiny tusks.

"Y-you know me?" she gasped.

"Of course I know you, I know everyone but... what are you doing in Ankh-Morpork?"

"Long story short, it was a wizard; now I need your help to get me and Toothless back home."

"Certainly, certainly" the Hogfather nodded "but... how are you feeling? I thought someone from your world would be greatly affected by the magic of a Discworld wizard."

"I was, and Toothless even more so. He is receiving help from Lady Sybil Vimes, but I felt much better after Susan's grandfather sprinkled some sparkly stuff on me."

"I knew it" the Hogfather stomped his right foot "I thought my supply was lower than it should have been after last year."

"I've heard a bit about last year from eavesdropping on everyone, and the said something about an assassin" Astrid said "Were you his intended victim?"

"Yes; and while I was in danger, Susan's grandfather took over for me. He did a terrible job but he and Susan did save my life, so I guess I can't begrudge him a little souvenir" the Hogfather smiled disturbingly.

Astrid rose to her feet and started out of the room.

"Shall we go then? I'm really anxious to see how Toothless is doing" she stated.

"Certainly my dear."

They made their way to the front door and before she knew it, Astrid was sitting on the driver's bench of a rough sleigh being pulled through the air by four large boars. Not long after, they were flying over the Vimes Estate and coming into land on the front lawn. Lady Sybil was still keeping a close eye on Toothless, but she had been joined by a tallish man who stood with his arm around her waist. The only other person present was Sergeant Cheery Littlebottom.

"Hello everyone; how's Toothless doing?" Astrid asked as she alighted from the sleigh, but no one seemed to notice her.

"I'm afraid you are still under the effects of my magic powder" the Hogfather noted.

"Well how do I get out from under it again?" she begged.

"Unfortunately I don't know how much was used on you" stated the Hogfather "Last year on Berk, I was forced to use some on Snotlout but I used so little, he did not stay in the realm of the anthropomorphic personifications very long."

"So that was how he got into Hiccup's home" Astrid sneered.

"Yes... sorry about that."

"Hey, it's Snotlout; you can't blame yourself" Astrid smiled.

"As to when you will reappear, depending on how much Death used, you at reappear in a few minutes..."

"That sounds okay" Astrid smiled.

"...or a few weeks."

"Ah... not so okay" she frowned.

"But if you were to tip that bucket of water over your head, you would reappear to everyone in an instant" suggested the Hogfather.

"Are you kidding? It's so cold, the water has a layer of ice on the top" Astrid protested.

The Hogfather just grinned meekly and shrugged his shoulders.

And so it was then, a thousand years before the development of the home computer and the internet, Astrid Hofferson of Berk, warrior and dragon rider, became the first person in history to take the Ice Bucket Challenge.

'

* * *

'

Last chapter tomorrow :D  
Welcome to the party Draco38 and thanks for the good wishes.  
Don't worry Stripes, I may be dead in Discworld but I'm alive and kicking here.  
Vin, you will be happy to know my friend that now Snoggletog 2018 is done, I am already halfway through chapter one of Blue Sky Falling: Book 2a (Of course Book 1 was Red Sky Rising)

See ya soon, _Marty._


	8. Chapter 8

Last chapter :D

The epilogue was short so I tacked it on the end instead of posting it separately.

'

* * *

Chapter 8

'

"AAAAARRRGH! Whew that's cold."

Everyone present turned suddenly to see who had just cried out and when they did, Lady Sybil and Sergeant Littlebottom simply could not believe what their eyes were telling them.

"Astrid... where did you come from" Lady Sybil gasped as she hurried over to the shivering young girl.

Seeing how wet she was, the noblewoman removed her expensive coat and wrapped it around Astrids shoulders.

"So this is the famous Astrid" smiled the tall man whose rugged face looked like it had seen a lot of action, because it had.

Being a very formal woman, Lady Sybil knew this was the right time for a formal introduction.

"Samuel, this young lady is indeed Miss Astrid Hofferson of Berk. And this my dear, is my husband Commander Sir Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh-Morpork, of the City Watch."

"That's quite a mouthful" Astrid smiled as she held out her hand.

"Official Titles have a way of accumulating like old magazines" Sam said with a smile.

"To paraphrase Charles M. Schulz" Astrid replied.

"Who?" Vimes wondered.

"I don't know, but I'm used to that now" Astrid smirked.

Astrid expected this man to kiss the back of her hand as Hammersmith the Dwarf had, instead he gave her a firm handshake that almost hurt, but not quite; she respected that.

"How did you get out of the Unseen University unseen miss?" Cheery asked "I thought you may have faded from existence."

"I had help from an unexpected source" Astrid smiled without giving any more away.

"As long as you're alright" Lady Sybil nodded "But I must admit, I was wondering what I would do with Toothless. I'd love to keep him of course but this world clearly isn't good for him."

"Thank you for looking after him" Astrid smiled "Oh... and I have some more information about the assassin; he's not a middle aged man from Fourecks after all, but a younger man with short dark hair who wants to be Jonathon Teatime."

"Well Teatime is dead so if this young man wants to be like him, he's going about it the right way" Commander Vimes noted.

Turning to Sergeant Littlebottom, Astrid informed her of the interdimensional truth behind the shoddy tunnel work of the dwarves she had met, restoring her faith in her people. As they chatted, Angua von Uberwald and Constable Igor arrived back at the Vimes Estate with a superfluous report.

"I suppose there's no use my telling the Commander we could not find any trace of you" Angua smiled.

"As much as I am happy to see you again, I'm afraid it is just to say goodbye" Astrid said.

"You're leaving? Where are you going?" Angua was surprised.

"Home; thanks to a little help from a few anthropomorphic personifications and a very annoyed governess" Astrid explained.

Walking back to Commander Vimes, Astrid shook his hand again.

"You've got some good people working for you sir."

"Yes, I know" he agreed

"... with the possible exception of Corporal Nobbs."

"Even he has his uses" Vimes smiled.

"Good bye Lady Sybil; thank you for taking such good care of Toothless."

Astrid had offered her hand to the Duchess of Ankh, but found herself instead being dragged into the lady's ample bosom. It was just as well she had been able to take a deep breath first, otherwise she may have been suffocated while her host sobbed over her.

When Astrid was finally released from the loving death grip, she went on to thank Captain von Uberwald and Sergeant Littlebottom for their valuable assistance and then finally turned to Constable Igor. Even Astrid was surprised with herself when she hugged him, but it was what she said that surprised and confused everyone.

"I think I'm going to miss you most of all Scarecrow" she cried.

With all the goodbye said and done, Astrid stood close to Toothless and put her hand on his head.

"Ready when you are" she declared.

Everyone gasped as Astrid and her dragon suddenly disappeared completely. The Swamp Dragons covering and surrounding Toothless appeared to be sitting on nothing until they all took the air in surprise. They circled once around the garden before retreating into their nesting boxes. The coat Astrid had been wearing did a similar magic trick, floating through the air, folding itself and landing gently on the driver's seat of the cart.

"I blame the wizards" Angua stated.

"I blame the cows" Cheery disagreed.

Just as Astrid had earlier, Toothless suddenly felt much better after a small spray of the Hogfather's magic dust. Astrid led the happily bounding dragon to the Hog Drawn Sleigh and had no trouble getting him to sit in the back. As the people by the cart made their way inside the Vimes home, Astrid could not help but heave a heavy sigh.

"I can't ever come back, can I?"

"I wouldn't recommend it" advised the Hogfather.

With a flick of the reins, the sleigh rose up into the sky and began to pick up speed. At first Toothless put his head up into the wind, enjoying this rare experience of effortless flight. But soon the extremely high speed of the sleigh became too much and he crouched down behind Astrid. The sleigh just kept on accelerating until the world around them became nothing but a blur until at last, they burst through the dimensional barrier with a might crack.

As the sleigh began to slow, Astrid's heart leapt because in the distance she could see the signal fires of Berk, lighting up the night.

"its a few hours after midnight" said the man next to Astrid "so happy Snoggletog."

She turned to give the same greeting and was shocked to find she no longer sat next to the Hogfather. She quickly checked her surroundings and found that the rough wooden sleigh had increased in size and was now bright red in colour. Instead of a hard wooden bench, she sat on a plush leather seat and the boars had doubled in number and grown antlers.

"Wha... what happened?" she gasped.

"Don't worry my dear, I'm the same person but this is me in your world" explained the jolly fat bearded man in red.

"You don't even look hoggish anymore" Astrid stated anymore.

"True; here I am called Father Christmas, Santa Claus and many other names. But I suppose to you I'd be the Spirit of Snoggletog."

Although she thought she'd seen it all before now, Astrid soon realised how wrong she was as the red sleigh came in for a landing in a quiet part of town, near the arena.

"Thank you for your help" Astrid smiled as she stepped down "I'm so glad I did not have to rely on that wizard to get us back home."

"Now remember, you are still invisible to the people here but unlike some apparitions, I gave you a carefully measured dose of dust so you should return to your normal self soon; an hour at the very most."

Toothless and Astrid watched as their odd rescuer took off into the sky and disappeared from view.

"Good to be home, eh Toothless?" Astrid smile but the dragon just yawned and started to wonder off home, intent on making the most of what was left of the night.

"You probably don't even realise how close we came to being stuck in another dimension for the rest of our lives" Astrid smiled.

The truth be told, the dragon did know but he trusted Astrid more than she trusted herself.

The first thing Astrid wanted to do was check on Stormfly. The dragons should have returned from their hatching grounds on Dragon Island a few hours after sunset, so her dragon should be in her stable.

"Hello girl' she greeted the Nadder.

Stormfly lifted her head and the joy on her face was plain to see when she heard her pet girl's voice. The dragon could not see her but knew there was nothing greatly wrong because as Astrid entered the stall, her sense of smell gave her all the confirmation she needed. Astrid threw her arms around the dragon's neck and hugged her tightly until a quiet squawking caught her attention. She looked down and saw by Stormfly's powerful talons, a single tiny reddish dragon.

Bending down she held out her invisible hand, inviting the newcomer to come closer, and he soon recognised a familiar scent from his mother's saddle as well as the many other items around them Astrid had handled. As they became acquainted, Astrid thought of how most Nadders would lay three eggs each season. But she also knew that sometimes, not every hatchling would survive and some would never even emerge from the egg.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you girl" Astrid petted her dragons cheek "but he is a good looking dragon isn't he?"

Knowing it was time to leave the small family to rest, Astrid made straight for her parents home to let them know she was safe but found it empty. Next she tried the Chief's house but all she found was Toothless scratching at the door to be let in. After obliging the black dragon, Astrid decided that the best place to try next was the Great Hall, where everyone was probably still partaking of too much Snoggletog cheer; when she arrived though, what she found was very different.

Instead of the usual sounds of laughter and song, all she could hear as she approached was the loud voice of Chief Stoick the Vast, and he did not quite sound like himself.

"...a most resourceful warrior, so I can tell you for sure that I have not given up hope" Astrid heard the Chief say as she opened the door.

The cold night air blew in behind her and Mulch hurried over to shut the door. Astrid jumped to the left to avoid being knocked over and made her way around the back of the room to where the chief stood.

"We also have to keep in mind that at the time of her disappearance, she was riding Hiccup's Night Fury and as you all know, Toothless is the fastest and one of the most capable of all our dragons."

Astrid could tell Stoick was having a hard time trying to convince everyone of what he was saying, and she could see he was also finding it difficult to convince himself.

"It's alright everyone, we're back and we're both fine" she stated but nobody heard her.

To the right of the Chief sat Hiccup with Astrid's parents. Her mother was a true Viking Warrior just like her daughter so she kept her face as hard as a rock in a failed attempt to stop the tears from escaping, but the tears were winning the battle. Mrs. Hofferson also held on tightly to Hiccup's hand so Astrid could not be sure if his tears were for her, or from an intense feeling of pain. As Astrid stood and watched, the Chief continued to speak.

"Not only that, but based on the report given by Heather and Ruffnut, we know she is with someone who has experience moving through other dimensions, so I'm sure he will be of assistance to her."

"You can't be talking about Rincewind" Astrid snorted "He ran away as soon as we arrived on Discworld and I never saw him again."

"Maybe... just maybe this Discworld the man was from, is actually the dimension of Valhalla. And if it is, then Thor, Freya and Odin will surely recognise her as the mighty warrior she is; a warrior who even though she is very young, has already done many brave deeds and they will surely reward her for assisting this man of magic from their realm."

"That would be good" Astrid said to herself "After all I've been though, I deserve a reward."

To her surprise, the room went totally silent and she soon realised that she was back and visible once more. Every face turned towards her and then a full second later, a massive cheer went up as the whole room rushed to greet the returning hero.

Even with his metal leg, Hiccup of course was the first to reach her. As he threw his arms around her, Mr. And Mrs Hofferson tied for second and hugged the both of them.

"I am never letting you out of my sight again" Hiccup whispered in her ear.

"I can live with that" she smiled.

The cheering grew even louder as the reunited couple kissed, for there finally was a genuine reason to celebrate the holiday of Sniggletog.

'

* * *

Epilogue

'

The whole village wanted to hear about Astrid's adventures, but she insisted there was far too much to tell at that time, especially in the wee small hours of the morning. And so for the next week, she had to spend most of her time in the Great Hall, particularly after the main evening feast, telling and retelling of the amazing place known as Discworld.

Meanwhile, deep in the Ramtop Mountains, three very resourceful Dwarves started a new mining venture that became so successful, that plays were written about it, and all the problems they went through to make it happen.

The first of this series of plays was actually a musical called 'The Dishonest Assassin' and was best known for its opening song;

If you're mining and you need a hole  
You can count on the three of us digging it down  
For no granite rock will ever beat us  
We'll smash it right up into little pieces

We... are three mining friends  
We dig and dig each day  
But when we start to tire  
We dig on anyway

That's why the people of Discworld  
Rely on...  
Gornut, Hammersmith and Earl

THE DIGGERS!

'

* * *

'

Nothing like a little Steven Universe gag to finish off.

Well it's goodbye to Snoggletog for another year and time to write other things. Thanks again to Stripes, Vin and Draco as well as all the others who gave this story a go.

Hope you had fun, Marty.

:D


End file.
